Dumb Criminal Jokes (true stories):
A guy in Great Falls, Montana had three outstanding warrants for his arrest. When he was stopped by the police for a traffic violation, he gave them a false name. The police ran a check and discovered that there was also a warrant out for the man with the false name. So they arrested the driver.
In doing a search, they discovered a half gram of methamphetamine in his pocket and charged him with criminal possession of a dangerous drug. During his arrest, he gave his real name, so they also charged him with issuing a false report to law enforcement.
The police were just doing their job. When someone called 911, then hung up, the police went to that location to see if there was a problem. It turns out that it was a motel where two drug dealers were staying in different rooms. One tried to call the other one in room 119, but dialed 911 by mistake.
A Wyoming man, who was suspected of stealing a bottle of Schnapps from the store, could have planned his escape a little better. He simply ran out of the store and into the nearest building which was the police station.
Apparently realizing where he was, he then ran out of the station. But a dispatcher saw him on the surveillance camera and alerted officers. He was caught nearby, quite drunk, and taken into custody. (They didn't have far to go.)
Responding to an alarm going off in a hockey rink, the police found an intoxicated man trying to operate the Zamboni. He had crashed it into a wall. He had also operated two fork lifts, damaging the walls, sprinkler system and hockey net.
He was charged with burglary, criminal mischief, violation of his bail conditions and drunk driving.
Blonde Jokes (hehe, being Brunette, I find these PARTICULARILY amusing):
There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.
Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.
Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.
A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.
The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."
The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.
She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."
According to Hertfordshire University (is that real?):
Best Joke in the World:
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
(read the next post)
Haha. Blond jokes. They're the reason I feel like everyone thinks I'm stupid. So I try making up for it. But I doubt many people believe me.
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